what does age-appropriate mean?
4. A natural look does not have to mean wearing expensive makeup. Throw away the foundation. Use a light shade of corn silk powder. Avoid wearing heavyeyeliner during the day. Choose light colored lipsticks in natural tones.
7. Wear pants that fit properly. This means not wearing pants that outline the derriere so that both men and women (yes, women do stare at how other women are badly dressed) look at you. There are jean manufacturers who design jeans to flatter the figure. I recommend Levis, Wrangler, Bill Blass, Gloria Vanderbilt, which are my favorites. Lose the low-rise jeans. They look even worse on women who have recently given birth: that loose skin hanging out from your stomach is as unappealing as it gets.
8. Velour leisure suits just do not cut it for middle aged women. Instead, wear button down cotton or linen shirts or pullovers. Do the same with pants or skirts: natural fibers in flattering lines. You can still be comfortable in clothes without looking tacky.
Here we go again. Every year, for the last five years, I’ve had the following existential crisis around this time of year: ”What does age-appropriate mean?”
I ask this question in relation to many subjects, but today, fashion is on my mind. As I was attempting to answer this question (yet again), I ran across this article on the internet. It says:
1. Choose a hair style that flatters your facial shape. Avoid hairstyles that are teased, as big hair does not look good and such hairstyles can even encourage breakage of hair by the roots. If you like to wear your hair long and you are over the age of forty, wear it pulled back in chignon or French twist. Also, avoid wearing your hair in pigtails hanging down your back. That is too little-girlish.
Okay, so no pigtails. So far, so good. (Though I cringe remembering wearing pigtails past the age of 20 in a misguided attempt to look contrarian and hip.)
2. Instead of wearing a ton of
jewelry and burying your hands under ten pounds of metal and rocks, opt for a nice signature ring. My favorite piece: a sterling silver spoon ring. Instead of layering necklaces, wear something dainty on a light chain, like a real gemstone. A big no-no for women over the age of thirty: facial piercings. Yes, they look very bad on your face, especially that eyebrow ring. As for ear lobe jewelry: two piercings at the most and in the lobe, please. That tragus piercing looks horrendous. Lose it, now.My tragus piercing looks amazing. So does my nose ring. Are you serious – a sterling silver spoon ring?? Who wrote this? A hippie commune?
3. Throw away that bronzing makeup. Wearing it makes you look like you live in the hot Arizona sun every day of the year without a sunshade. That
makeup will clog up the pores and make your skin age in a way that you do not want it to.Not that I’m wearing bronzer… but seriously? Is this a wide-spread fashion blight? Really?
4. A natural look does not have to mean wearing expensive makeup. Throw away the foundation. Use a light shade of corn silk powder. Avoid wearing heavyeyeliner during the day. Choose light colored lipsticks in natural tones.
Um, again… hippie commune? Corn silk powder? Where am I supposed to find that? C & S Supply?…
5. Clothing seems to be a big problem with constantly changing fashions. Instead of wearing what is most popular, create your own style. You do not have to wear a caftan over jeans, as I sometimes do. But women over the age of thirty should stick to modest clothing. I recommend Sierra Brooke.com, a website that carries beautiful and modest
clothing for women, teens, and children.I’m starting to get a religious vibe from this article… “modestly and confidently” is how Sierra Brooke self-describes their clothing selection (which is actually kinda cute). And did you all pick up on the “caftan over jeans”? Is this woman fit to be giving the rest of us fashion advice? Or just her friends at the hippie commune who are all powdering their faces with corn silk?
6. Wear shoes that are comfortable for your feet, especially if you stand at your job all day, like I do. The problem with high heels over 2 1/2″ is that by constantly wearing them, you invite back troubles, foot troubles, and all around discomfort. Opt for flat shoes with a covered toe, or pumps.
Okay, I get that heels are bad for my back, but does this advice really belong in an article on age-appropriate fashion? What about my mom jeans and my capri pants and my polyester pantsuit (though actually I think it would be outstanding if I owned one of those) and my feathered bangs and my white nylons and my muffin top and my camel toe? Seriously, you’re warning me about the dangers of high heels?
7. Wear pants that fit properly. This means not wearing pants that outline the derriere so that both men and women (yes, women do stare at how other women are badly dressed) look at you. There are jean manufacturers who design jeans to flatter the figure. I recommend Levis, Wrangler, Bill Blass, Gloria Vanderbilt, which are my favorites. Lose the low-rise jeans. They look even worse on women who have recently given birth: that loose skin hanging out from your stomach is as unappealing as it gets.
Um, I recommend True Religion. Too bad I can’t afford them. But I heard that the Lucky outlet in Albertville has jeans for $29. And the muffin top… yeah, don’t have kids but have one anyway (which frickin sucks and is due to abject laziness), should probably save up some money for new jeans.
8. Velour leisure suits just do not cut it for middle aged women. Instead, wear button down cotton or linen shirts or pullovers. Do the same with pants or skirts: natural fibers in flattering lines. You can still be comfortable in clothes without looking tacky.
Hahahahaha velour leisure suits! Every time I went to the mall for the last five years I had to physically restrain myself from buying one. (Now, I have to physically restrain myself from the PINK sweatpants at Victoria’s Secret, which I know are both tacky and age-inappropriate, but which are enticing all the same.) And the abstract advice at the end of the article here ensures that I will continue to wear my velour leisure suit well past middle age due to confusion about what to wear instead.
Catty, perhaps. I’m accepting comments on how to be age-appropriate while keeping my nose ring and tragus piercing.
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