Please comment on this post. I invite expansion of this list.
1. Twinkies. Lab animals will not eat Twinkies. Twinkies do not decay. I once kept a box of Twinkies in the trunk of my car for approximately five years. The expiry date had come and gone. My brother then proceded to eat one of those Twinkies, and he was completely unharmed. This is disturbing on so many levels.
2. Twizzlers. Are they licorice, are they their own genre of candy, or are they red plastic ropes? Twizzlers are the grossness. I bet that strawberry scented candles taste about the same as a Twizzler.
3. McDonald’s French Fries. When I cleaned the Twinkies box out of my car, I also found undecayed McDonald’s fries under the seats. This leads me to believe that McDonald’s fries are not biodegradable. Since when are potatoes not biodegradable?
4. Sauerkraut. It smells like fungus combined with bile.
5. BBQ Potato Chips. If I wanted my potato chips dunked in borax and maple syrup, I would dunk them in borax and maple syrup. I don’t need them preflavored that way under the guise of “BBQ” flavor.
And I have to give an honorable mention to Cool Ranch Doritos. I realize that they are not intrinsically flawed, but I can’t stand those damn things.
But I do think, vehemently, that Planters Cheez Balls should be reinstated in the overly-processed snack foods category of my local supermarket. Who’s with me?
After a fall filled with drama and tension and death threats and foreclosures, I’m looking forward to settling into the Mankato routine. Living in one townhouse instead of two family members’ homes, a studio apartment, and a suitcase will be a relief. The suitcase was really cramped and uncomfortable, so I’m looking forward to moving out of it.
