on being an insensitive asshole
February 4, 2009, 4:33 am
Filed under: creative writing workshop, insensitive asshole, paranoia, self-doubt
Filed under: creative writing workshop, insensitive asshole, paranoia, self-doubt
Me (in workshop, regarding a classmate’s writing): “I wasn’t bothered by that. And I’m not sentimental at all.”
Professor: “No kidding. Sorry, I didn’t mean to be mean.”
Me: “You don’t need to apologize. I’m never offended.”
Which is true, yes, I forgive most things quickly and easily. I grew a thick skin in dental school, where the pervasive pedagogical method is encapsulated by the sentiment “kick ‘em down and build ‘em back up”. Yeah, mostly I felt kicked down. It sucked massively for the majority of the time. But you know what, after awhile, the criticisms of others are just that – criticisms of others. My own opinion is far removed (sometimes too far removed) from theirs. (“That’s just, like, your opinion, man.”)
But I digress. No, I wasn’t offended. Point being, instead, for a few moments following this comment, I was wracked with guilt and self-doubt. Am I an insensitive asshole?
Key phrase in the above sentence: “for a few moments”
And then I happily continued with my self-absorbed life. Thus, I’ve concluded that being an insensitive, self-absorbed asshole is kind of fun, because I don’t have to worry about things like being an insensitive asshole.
I hope that makes sense, and I don’t care if it doesn’t.
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